How I Make Up with My Child After a Tough Morning of Parenting
As a child development expert and mother, I often find myself balancing professional insights with the very raw realities of parenting. Mornings can be a pain point in my house, I’m not going to lie. Especially with a new baby in the home, I’m more tired and slightly less patient. Here’s an example of how a morning might go in my house…based on multiple very real moments.
The Morning Chaos
A typical Tuesday. My six-year-old son was reluctant to get dressed, and every step of our routine felt like a hurdle. Frustration bubbled up and I raised my voice in an attempt to get the kids to move it towards the bus. Of course I can recognize with some distance that raising my voice isn’t what actually gets my son to move. I saw his eyes well up and my heart sank as I put him on the bus, told him I love him, and will see him later.
The Weight of Guilt
Throughout the day, the scene replayed in my mind. I questioned my actions, with the painful reality that I know what the better approach is, yet I didn’t do it.
The Afternoon Reconnection
Determined to heal the guilt, I thought about how I wanted the afternoon to go.
When my son returned home, I greeted him with a big hug and a smile. I asked if we could sit together for an afternoon snack of his choice. As we snacked, I gently brought up the morning incident. "This morning was tough for both of us," I began. "Can we talk about it?” I acknowledged my overreaction, saying, "I'm sorry for raising my voice. That wasn't fair, I was frustrated." My son shared that he felt rushed and scared of me raising my voice. Hearing his perspective was a poignant reminder of the impact of my actions - as I always used to tell my students, intent versus impact. We brainstormed ideas to make mornings smoother, such as preparing his clothes the night before and starting breakfast 5 minutes earlier.
Reflecting on the Experience
This incident (and all the other incidents in my life like this) reinforce that even with expertise, parenting is a continual learning process. It's essential to show our children that making mistakes is human, but taking responsibility and repairing is what really matters.
